Love Breeds Conflict

 Is love the driving force behind conflict between family members? In my life, the people that I have fought with the most, yelled at the most, and gotten annoyed by the most are my family. Yet, they are an integral part of my life and we all love each other very much. While love between family members is seen as a positive thing, the intensity of love breeds conflict and may have negative effects on family members and those around them. 

Growing up, I always wondered why my parents would lecture and even yell at me about getting good grades in school even in elementary school. I would hate listening to them tell me to focus on academics. If my parents loved me so much, why would they yell at me? In the memoir Crying in H-mart, by Michelle Zauner, Michelle had many conflicts with her mother about her future career and her academics. They constantly argued about college and her music career. While these arguments got heated and sometimes got violent, it was clear that her mother wanted what was best for her daughter, and Zauner, despite resenting her mother, still wanted her mother’s approval through her music career. Their love for each other was the source of the conflict in Zauner’s adolescence. But ironically, without love there is no conflict. 

 Parents who love their children will discipline them to help them live the best lives they can. And especially for immigrant parents, the way they know how to live a prosperous life is through studying and education which is why such a heavy emphasis was placed on college rather than music for Zauner and the same could be said about my parents for me. Out of their love and care for us, they discipline and yell at us. Similarly, as children we still seek our parents approval and get upset at them when they do not reciprocate it. The reason Zauner argues with her mother is because she cares about her opinion and she wants her support. Whether it is out of wanting the best for them or their approval, the people who love us the most will not only fight for but also against us. This highlights that while we all have good intentions for our loved ones, through our love, we may be harming each other. This begs the question is intense love for each other worth it if people are harmed in through the process of love? In Zauner’s case it is a resounding yes. In adulthood, she has a good relationship with her mother and even looks back at her disciplining positively. But there are other examples where intense love for one another may cause more harm than good.

In Saving Sourdi, by May-Lee Chai, the bond between Nea and Sourdi seemed unbreakable to Nea, and when Sourdi drifted away, Nea’s intense love created conflict between the siblings. While Nea does not fight with Sourdi, their conflict stems from Nea’s yearning to gain attention from Sourdi. Nea and Duke’s altercation with Mr. Chayy happened not only because of Nea’s impulsiveness, but also because of her care for Sourdi. She believes that Mr. Chayy was taking Sourdi away from her and wanted any reason to go visit her and “save” her from the relationship. It’s this deep love for her sister that drives her into madness thinking that her sister is getting abused. Nea selfishly thought that Sourdi was supposed to stay with the family forever. Her love for Sourdi was harmful and led to others like Mr. Chayy getting hurt.

Similar elements of familial love resulting in conflict are seen in the show Breaking Bad. While Walt’s turn to drug dealing was due to his pride and ego, his main motive and catalyst to do so was to help his family pay for all of their debt. His love for his family caused him to do all the heinous things in the show. From all the money laundering to the killing, he always kept his family in mind. In a scene after he captured a Crazy-8 in a drug heist, he sits down to talk with him. Through this scene It is clear that he is doing all of this for his family

Start at 3:09 https://youtu.be/pT5kH8jEBIY?t=189

This is then contrasted by the scene only moments later when Walt kills Crazy 8 in order to protect himself and his family from being harmed by crazy-8. He commits murder out of love for his family. 

TW: Death and Murder https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGY4T_Vp8cA

Not only does his drug dealing harm others, but it harms his family members, the people he is trying to support. A pivotal scene in the show that exemplifies this love harming his family members is when Walt is on the phone with Skyler at the end of the episode Ozymandiaz. In a fit of rage, he cusses out his wife and son in order to push them away and save them. For the rest of their lives they are going to believe that Walt was a drug dealing, selfish, money hungry man. This is the opposite of what he intended. He hurt his family because of all of these actions. Actions that were meant to help them. Instead, through his actions of love, he endangers his family and causes them to resent him for the rest of their lives. 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6P7XzoTJRa8

While in Zauner’s case intense love breeding conflict was eventually good for their relationship, instances with Nea and and the extreme case of Walter highlights that their intense love led to more negative outcomes.  There is nothing stronger than familial bonds, and whether is it is just a mother and daughter arguing about academics or a man trying to support his family, there is no conflict, with a good or bad outcome, that we would not endure for the ones we love the most.